Friday, April 29, 2016

The No List of Dog Breeds

Many clients are surprised that I do not own a dog. With three cats, one toddler, one horse, and a full time job the truth is I just don't have time for a dog. But there is also another truth, and that is I can't look at a purebred dog without mentally making a list of all of the common problems for that breed.

Once, many years ago now, my husband and I were in the bookstore, and he was pulling books off the shelf on various breeds. He would say, "How about a dachshund?" And I would retort, "Absolutely not! Too many back problems!" And he eventually got mad and stormed off because I kept listing all the diseases or problems for each breed and I don't know? It ruined his mood or something. I'm not sure why he got so irritated since its not like we were in any position to get a dog at the time anyway. But I digress.

Source: Wiki


So I thought I'd list all of the breeds (well, all that come to mind, in no particular order) and the reasons why I personally would not want to own one. At the end I'll list the 5 or so breeds I would own. Just for funzies! No getting pissed because I ragged on your breed! Here we go:

1. Bulldogs. My number one breed not to own. They stink, have mega skin issues, eye issues, tail issues, leg issues, and allergies, can't breathe, can't walk, and are generally slobbery and gross. I even wrote a post about them. Blech.
2. Wheatens. See above re: allergies. Also generally ill mannered.
3. Vizslas. Crazy in general, wildly energetic
4. Australian shepherds and border collies. Too schizo, too smart for their own good. Commonly get mental problems from lack of proper stimulation and exercise.
5. Labradoodle. not a breed, a mutt. No 'designer' mutts for me, mostly on principle.
6. Weimaraner. see Vizsla, mast cell tumors
7. Labradors. Allergies, chronic ear infections, eat everything in sight. I like my shoes.
8. Shih-tzus. Eye diseases, skin diseases, dental disease.
9. Chihuahuas. Big jerks in little bodies, dental disease, MPLs, heart disease.
10. Jack russells. Even bigger jerks, they all try to bite me, and too much wild energy.
11. St. Bernards. Too big, and too drooly.
12. Boxers. Cancer, cancer, cancer. MCT, heart diseases.
13. Pit bulls. They ALL make me itch, along with boxers, shar-peis and every other short-wiry-haired dog. But they are great family dogs, I would like to have them on my yes list, I really would!
14. Chinese Shar-pei. Pretty much always a jerk, I know one nice one. Also amyloidosis of the kidneys, skin diseases, weird fever disease
15. Schnauzers. Pancreatitis, metabolic diseases
16. Westies. Stinky skin, skin, skin.
17. French bulldogs. Waaayy overbred nowadays, back problems, breathing problems, too pushy.
18. Great Danes. Giant, clumsy, spinal instability, big dog = big money. I already own a horse.
19. Greyhounds. Osteosarcoma. Otherwise great couch potatoes!
20. Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Just jerks.
21. German Shepherds. Hips, immune diseases, Gi diseases. generally too high strung.
22. Cocker spaniels. Chronic ear infections, immune diseases, heart diseases, metabolic diseases.
23. Huskies. So mentally unstable, not very sociable, GI diseases, auto-immune disorders.
24. Pugs. Can't breathe, too noisy, also chronic skin issues, eye problems.
25. Beagles. Loud (baying), allergies, don't follow anything but their noses.
26. Cavalier King Charles. So cute, but heart disease, ear disease, spinal disease, just no.
27. Poodles. Nice dogs but the hair! too high maintenance. I don't even brush my own hair.
28. German Shorthair Pointer. Need too much exercise and generally go mental from lack of it. I had to fix one that literally jumped through a glass window on the second floor.

Obviously, there are a whole ton of other breeds, you can rest assured that most of them are NOs.

Now for the yes'. Updated: Shelties are off the list. A few people told me they are noisy and lately I've been seeing a very noisy puppy. Byebye. 
1. Shelties. Perfect size, great temperament, some eye problems but overall a healthy, quiet, breed. Because of this I will deal with the hair.
2. Whippets. Perfect size, quiet, not many issues. Lots of exercise needed but not psycho.
3. Dobermans. Happy dogs, have a few problems (heart, bleeding disorders) but great temperament and good family dog.
4. Flat-coated retrievers. All the happy-go-lucky of the golden retriever without the cancer and allergies.
5. Cats. 


Of course, none of this matters anyway because I will never seek out a dog breed. If we get a dog, it will be some sad sack mutt that comes into my clinic that I feel the need to take home. The End!

Updated: Since this post went live I have adopted a sad sack cat.